Thursday

Notre Dame travels to California to play Southern California.

When they arrive the coach says to the Notre Dame coach, "I hear you travel with a Priest, that's amazing. May I meet him?"

"Which one?" replied the Notre Dame coach, "Offense, Defense, or Special Teams?"

The fish secretary lodged herself in a pipe and could no longer type.

Her doctor said, "This is a clear case of 'Carp in tunnel' syndrome."

Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?

After getting creamed terribly, I had honestly put forth a pretty sad performance in a mixed doubles match. All of us walked to a near-by umbrella table and sat down.

I was seeking a way to save face. So far, no one had said a word.

I took a sip of my drink and made an initial effort to lighten the moment saying, "Funny game... Tennis."

My partner, more than a little put off by my poor playing, said sourly, "It isn't meant to be!"

When a hospital runs out of maternity nurses they have a mid-wife crisis.

I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."
"What is she doing?" the pal asked.
"Waiting for me to get home."

"Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense."
- Mark Twain

"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened."
- Winston Churchill

"The victor will never be asked if he told the truth"
- Adolf Hitler

Actually, should the truth be known, there are a lot of good ways to "handle" a woman.
Unfortunately, not a man alive knows any of them.

You might be a redneck if…

Your 'huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00."

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES."

One of the girls asked the cop: "How come you don't stop them?!"

"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."

So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which now read:

"TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER -- $50.00."

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short- tempered lot. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.

Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active."

Ground: "Good Morning, taxi to your gate."

The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now." Ground (impatiently): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."