In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
July 11, 2027
Which is larger, male or female sea turtles?
+----- Answer At The End -----+
Whenever one finds himself inclined to bitterness, it is a sign of emotional failure. - Bertrand Russell
This is a world of action, and not for moping and droning in. - Dickens
After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood. Fred Thompson, Speech before the Commonwealth Club of California
The actor Del Close died in 1999 & left his skull to a theater, so that it might be used as the skull of Yorick in Hamlet.
Magnetic recording was invented in 1898 by Valdemar Poulson of Denmark. Called the “telegraphone,” it was used to record telephone messages by applying magnetic pulses to a steel wire. The patent for the invention of the phonograph was awarded to Emile Berliner in 1887. But the recording format of choice would become the iron oxide-coated tape, a paper version of which was invented in 1927 by Joseph A. O’Neill and a film version of which was invented in 1928 by Fritz Pfleumer. The tape recorder, or “magnetophone”, was invented in 1936, the year that the Volkswagen Beetle was launched. Dutch company Philips introduced the audio cassette in 1963. The video recording machine was invented by the Ampex corporation of California in 1956. The first video recorder, the Ampex VR1000, stood 3 ft 3 in high [or more than 6ft when fully assembled] and weighed as much as a small car: 1,466 lb. The home video recorder was introduced in 1972 by Philips. JVC introduced the VHS system in 1976. Sony introduced the first handheld film camera, the Sony Mavica camcorder, in 1981. The first musical film was made in 1896 by George Thomas. It was a series of still shots depicting the song The Little Lost Child by Edward B. Marks and Joseph W. Stern.
Why is it called tourist season if we can't hunt them?
As I was on the way home from a long and stressful day at the office, the car phone rang. It was my husband. "Will you be joining me in the whirlpool bath tonight?" he asked.
"What a lovely way to spend an evening," I thought. I was about to tell him how considerate he was when the asshole continued, "Because if you're not, I need to start adding more water to the tub."
Understanding Engineers
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
I misplaced my dictionary. Now I'm at a loss for words.
Antarctica is the only continent without reptiles or snakes.
Baskin Robbins once made ketchup ice cream. This was the only vegetable flavored ice cream produced.
Bats have only one baby a year.
Giraffes are the only animals born with horns. Both males and females are born with bony knobs on the forehead.
Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible.
Swans are the only birds with penises.
Teeth are the only parts of the human body that can't repair themselves.
The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache on a standard playing card.
The only part of the human body that has no blood supply is the cornea in the eye. It takes in oxygen directly from the air.
A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.
"How are we faring?" asks the king.
"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."
"What?!" shrieks the king.
"I don't have any enemies to the west!"
"Oh," says the knight. "Well, you do now."
You might be a redneck if…
Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.
"No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult." the man replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset."
At the Checkout counter of the discount department store where I was a cashier, customers frequently asked me under what circumstances items were returnable. One woman who came through my line must have been aware of store policy.
She pointed to the lacy red-and-black negligee she was about to purchase. "May I bring this back if it doesn't work?" she asked.
Which is larger, male or female sea turtles?
Male and female sea turtles are about the same size.
Sea turtles are graceful saltwater reptiles, well adapted to life in their marine world. With streamlined bodies and flipper-like limbs, they are graceful swimmers able to navigate across the oceans. When they are active, sea turtles must swim to the ocean surface to breathe every few minutes. When they are resting, they can remain underwater for much longer periods of time. Although sea turtles live most of their lives in the ocean, adult females must return to land in order to lay their eggs. Sea turtles often travel long distances from their feeding grounds to their nesting beaches. Scientists are studying how sea turtles find their nesting beaches.