Saturday

I'm a young guy who hates to cook. She's a beautiful waitress who serves food. Of course, I was in love. But even though I frequently ordered out from her restaurant, I figured she didn't even know I existed. Then one day, after placing an order, I asked if she needed my name.

"No," she said. "I remember you."

Now I was on cloud nine. But I quickly fell back to Earth when I got my food. Inside the bag was the sales slip. On it she had written, "Cheeseburger, Med.FriesLarge Coke, for nerdy guy with bad haircut."

The Dalai Lama said read it to see if it works for you.

Very interesting. Just 4 questions and the answers will surprise you.

Do not cheat by looking up the answers.

The mind is like a parachute, it works best when it is opened. This is fun to do, but you have to follow the instructions very closely. MAKE A WISH BEFORE BEGINNING THE TEST!!

Answer the questions as you go along.

There are only four questions and if you see them all before you will not have honest results. Go down slowly and do each exercise as you scroll down.

Don't look ahead. Get pencil and paper to write your answers as you go along. You will need it at the end. This is an honest questionnaire which will tell you a lot about your true self.

Give an answer for each item.

Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference.

Cow
Tiger
Sheep
Horse
Pig

Write one word that describes each one of the following:

Dog
Cat
Rat
Coffee
Sea

Think of someone (who also knows you and is important to you) that you can relate them to the following colors (do not repeat your answer twice. Name just one person for each color.)

Yellow
Orange
Red
White
Green

Finished? Please be sure that your answers are what you REALLY WANT.

Look at the interpretations below: (but first before continuing, repeat your wish.)

This will define your priorities in your life.

Cow Signifies CAREER
Tiger Signifies PRIDE
Sheep Signifies LOVE
Horse Signifies FAMILY
Pig Signifies MONEY

Your description of dog implies your own personality.
Your description of cat implies the personality of your partner.
Your description of rat implies the personality of your enemies.
Your description of coffee is how you interpret sex.
Your description of the sea implies your own life.

Yellow: Someone you will never forget
Orange: Someone you consider your true friend
Red: Someone that you really love
White: Your twin soul
Green: Someone that you will remember for the rest of your life

September 22 is... Hobbit Day and Dear Diary Day

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this.

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and lie down on your bed.

Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take out the literature and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement, "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested".

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson."

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS WORSE THAN YOURS!

On their way to get married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they asked him. St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited for an answer ...... for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all.

"What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

You might be a redneck if…

You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."

Amanpreet is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Jon walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Amanpreet what the problem is.

"Well," said Amanpreet, "I ran afoul of one of those questions only women ask. Now I'm in trouble at home."

"What kind of question?" asked Jon.

"Judi asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fat and ugly."

"That's easy," said Jon. "You just say, 'Of course I will'".

"Yeah", said Amanpreet, "That's what I did, except I said, 'Of course I DO.'"

A newspaper writer, after working for 17 long years, was finally granted two months leave, during which time he would be fully paid. However, he turned down his boss' kind offer.
The boss asked, "Why would you turn down such a generous offer?"
The newspaper writer said there were 2 reasons.
"Well, what are they?" asked the boss.
"The first," he said, "is that I thought that my taking such a long leave might affect the newspaper's circulation."
The boss asked him what the other reason was.
"The other reason," replied the writer, "is that I thought my taking such a long leave might NOT affect the newspaper's circulation."

Random Cartoon Title: Very bright baby