In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
Punday · July 19, 2027
Why is it that if you tickle yourself it doesn't tickle?
+----- Answer At The End -----+
Eliminate something superfluous from your life. Break a habit. Do something that makes you feel insecure. -- Piero Ferrucci
A hobby a day keeps the doldrums away. -- Phyllis Mcginley
Do not be awe struck by other people and try to copy them. Nobody can be you as efficiently as you can. -- Norman Vincent Peale
A cuckoo clock was ordered removed from a polling place in Oss, the Netherlands, because its cuckoo sounded as if it were calling out the name of one of the candidates---Koekoek.
According to regulations, a racehorse's name can be no longer than 18 letters.
Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?
After living in our house for four years, we were moving out of state. My husband had backed the truck up to our garage door so that we could start loading all of the boxes.
Just then one of our neighbors came walking across the lawn carrying a plate full of muffins.
"Isn't that thoughtul," my husband said to me. "They must have realized that we packed our kitchen stuff."
The neighbor stuck out his hand and boomed, "Welcome to the neighborhood!"
Alternate Meanings
The Washington Post published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.
The following were some of the winning entries:
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Character is what you are.
Reputation is what people think you are.
Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.
Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.
Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.
Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.
Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowner's belt to increase testosterone levels.
Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.
Halogen Light - A work light that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.
Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.
Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911.
Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principle to harnessing the power of your mother-in-law's nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.
Chainsaw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.
Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice.
T'was the night before finals
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy,
But none touched their beds,
While visions of essays
Danced in their heads.
Out in the taverns,
A few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor
Would get their brains thinking.
In my own apartment,
I had been pacing,
Dreading all those exams
I soon would be facing.
My roommate was speechless,
His nose in his books,
And my comments to him
Drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee,
And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring
That my nerves were shot.
I stared at my notes,
But my thoughts were all muddy,
My eyes went a'blur,
I just couldn't study.
"Some pizza might help,"
I said with a shiver,
But each place I called
Refused to deliver.
I'd pretty much concluded
Life is unfair and cruel,
Since our futures all depend
On grades made in school.
When all of a sudden,
Our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put-It-Off
Ambled inside.
Her spirit was careless,
Her manner was mellow,
She looked at the mess
And started to bellow:
"Why should us students
Make such a fuss,
About what those teachers
Toss out to us?"
"On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes!
On Last Year's Exams!
On Wingit and Slingit,
And Last Minute Crams!"
Her message delivered,
She vanished from sight,
But we heard her laughing
Outside in the night.
"Your teachers won't flunk you,
So just do your best.
Happy Finals to All,
And to All, a good test.""
You might be a redneck if…
You're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
There are reports of a new problem in Australia. Some of the Kangaroos have developed a thirst for revenge against the traffic that keeps knocking them down. Drivers have reported that they'll pass a herd of roos that are hopping along peacefully, but as soon as they've passed them, the roos suddenly change direction and veer towards the vehicle.
The driver then has to drive as quickly as possible to escape the rampaging marsupials. Drivers are being urged to keep an eye on their veer-roo mirror at all times.
My friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant.
When the waiter set chopsticks at our places, Ann made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair.
"As an environmentalist," she declared, "I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils."
The waiter inspected her chopsticks. "Very beautiful," he said politely. "Ivory??"
Random Cartoon Title: First pessimist
Why is it that if you tickle yourself it doesn't tickle?
There are so many external and internal stimuli hitting you at once that your brain has learned to filter them out.
The first ones that get ignored are ones that you do; which is why you probably don't notice your vocal chords when you talk, your tongue movements when you chew and why you can't tickle yourself.
When you are tickled, your laughter is the reaction that occurred because that ticklish feeling sends us into a state of panic. You most likely weren't expecting that person to sneak up behind you and tickle your sides, were you? This was probably a defense mechanism that developed in our cave-men ancestors to detect predators.
When you try to tickle yourself you are in complete control of the situation, there is no need to get tense and therefore there is no reaction.
The part of the brain that cancels out stimuli it is expecting is called the cerebellum. The cauliflower-like mass can be found at the back, under the brain. The cerebellum is known to basically be the party planner, it coordinates movement control in relation to sensory signals received in other areas of your brain.
It is possible to tickle yourself though!!!
You would have to fool your cerebellum. Studies have shown that with as little of a 200-millisecond delay between you moving your hand and the tickling, you would react. However there is only one way to do this- by remote control.
Did you know? Science has been able to design a robot that allows people to tickle themselves. To use the machine you would have to lie on your back with your eyes closed. The robot, located near you, would have a piece of soft foam attached to a plastic rod which you would control by joystick. You would maneuver the remote control and after a short delay, would respond. This takes advantage of the delay in the cerebellum.