Sunday

Value Of Time

To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train.

To realize the value of ONE-SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident.

To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.

TREASURE EVERY MOMENT THAT YOU HAVE.
Treasure every moment that you have!

You know you work for the government when:

The process becomes more important than the product
You don't see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about
You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there
You stop raising issues/problems because you know you will be the one answering them.
You fly first class across the country to attend a conference with 100+ people to discuss the fact that the project does not have enough money
You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym
You understand the rationalization of an acronym composed of acronyms
You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to its importance.
(1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a contractor (2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal attention
You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards

If you've ever driven a Yugo, you know the real reason we're bombing Kosovo.

The district attorney was cross-examining the murderess on the witness stand.

"And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your husband sat at the breakfast table partaking of the fatal dosage, didn't you feel any qualms? Didn't you feel the slightest pity for him knowing that he was about to die and was wholly unconscious of it?"

"Yes," she answered. "Come to thik of it...there was just a moment when I sort of felt sorry for him."

"And, when was that?"

"When he asked for the second cup."

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?.... "I'm four and a half" .... You're never 36 and a half .... you're four and a half going on five!

That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16.

And then the greatest day of your life happens .... you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony .... you BECOME 21 ... YES!!!

But then you turn 30 .... ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk .... He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now.

What's wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40 ..... stay over there, it's all slipping away ........

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50 ..... and your dreams are gone.

Then you MAKE IT to 60 ..... you didn't think you'd make it!!!!

So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60 ...... then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!

After that, it's a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday .... You get into your 80's, you HIT lunch. My grandmother won't even buy green bananas .... it's an investment you know, and maybe a bad one.

And it doesn't end there .... into the 90's you start going backwards .... I was JUST 92 ...

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again .... "I'm 100 and a half!!!!"

You might be a redneck if…

You're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.

After a long and serious operation, Lena ended up in a coma. Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news.

"We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good I'm afraid," the doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice.

Ralph looked at Lena and with a soft trembling voice said, "But doctor, she's so young. She's only 45."

"37," came the weak reply from Lena.

Sally (a blonde) was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, never saw Sally looking' so sad. Liz, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay...but you look so sad. Why??"

Sally, "Cause I just can't get a man."

Liz, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods."

Sally, "Don't be so silly. I know that. But I went in the woods 'cause I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it."

Liz, "I don't understand what you're talking about."

Sally, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage."

Liz, "So, how's that gonna help you get a man."

Sally, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters."