A couple of years ago, our son Scott and his family relocated to Eielson Air Force Base near Fairbanks, Alaska. In awe of the state's wildlife and natural beauty, they looked forward to their four-year tour.
That December we received an e-mail from our 11-year-old granddaughter that stated HER opinion pretty clearly. It read:
"Dear Grandma and Grandpa,
It is 24 degrees here today. We have three years and eight months left.
I love and miss you.
Leah"
In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
Tuesday
August 10, 2027
Trivia question....
What actor served time on a Georgia chain gang?
+----- Answer At The End -----+
Consider these words of wisdom....
Never judge a book by its movie. J. W. Eagan
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. -- Pablo Picasso
Mama exhorted her children at every opportunity to 'jump at de sun.' We might not land on the sun, but at least we would get off the ground. -- Zora Neale Hurston, Dust Tracks on a Road, 1942
I bet ya' didn't know....
Who's the only entertainer who was ever nominated for a Nobel Prize? Jerry Lewis
Sleep like a baby? 77% of pediatricians surveyed had recommended nonprescription sleep medications for kids in the previous six months. 58% had prescribed one, and about 15% had recommended herbal remedies.
Things that make you go Hmmm....
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Jokes & stories....
A lawyer walks into his client's death row cell and says, "I've got good news, and bad news for you.. "
The prisoner says. " Okay. What's the bad news? "
"The bad news is that the Governor won't issue a stay of your execution...you go to the chair at 7 PM tonight."
"Oh, that's horrible. What possibly could be the good news?"
"The good news is that I got your voltage reduced!"
Some people kiss with their eyes closed. Too bad they also marry the same way.
My son Mark was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn't return home again until the February break.
When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now stood at 5 feet, 11 inches. My son was as surprised as I. "Couldn't you tell by your clothes that you'd grown?" I asked him.
"Since I've been doing my own laundry," he replied, "I just figured everything had shrunk."
Back to School Science You Won't Believe... The following are actual submissions on a series of quizzes, tests, and essays.
"Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state."
"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube."
"When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."
"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."
"The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."
"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."
"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
"Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."
"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."
"A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
"The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."
"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
You might be a redneck if…
You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...
The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea you had to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church fills first".
The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, "And you told me a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I suppose the rock 'n roll gospel choir you brought in was another good idea. We are packed in to the balcony."
"Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth."
"Well," said the elderly priest, "I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional."
"But, Father," protested the young priest, "my confessions have nearly doubled since I began that!"
"I know, son," replied the elderly priest, "but the flashing neon sign, 'Toot n' Tell or Go To Hell' cannot stay on the church roof!"
Daily Affirmations for Pessimists
Don’t try beating 'em or joining 'em. Either hang out by yourself or quit.
Seek, and you shall be disappointed.
Knock, and the door shall be slammed in your face.
If you don't have anything nice to say, welcome to the club.
Did you ever sit back and evaluate your life and think, "Wow, things are going just as I always wanted them to?" I didn't think so -- me either.
Trivia answer....
What actor served time on a Georgia chain gang?
Robert Mitchum's part-Native-American father died in a train accident when "Mitch" was two. He and his brother John (also an actor) and their siblings were raised by his mother and stepfather, a British soldier, in various places on the East Coast. He was tough kid, and spent much of his teen years out on the road. At 14 he was charged with vagrancy and ended up on a chain gang in Georgia. Like one of his movie characters, he eventually escaped.
As a young man, Mitchum held many different jobs, including a professional boxer (27 fights) and a stint as a ghostwriter for the popular astrologer, Carroll Righter. His first try at acting came with a Long Beach, California amateur theater group. While working at Lockheed Aircraft, he became temporarily blind because of job stress. It was at this time that he accepted the first of what would become dozens of small roles in films.
In 1945, he received an Oscar nomination as Best Supporting Actor for the role of Lt. Walker in "The Story of G.I. Joe." He quickly became a fixture in the film noir genre, also appearing in Westerns and dramas.
His lethargic style and world-weary attitude were attractive to both men and women. By the 1950s he had become a superstar -- in spite of the fact that he served time in prison in 1949 for possession of marijuana. ("Just like Palm Springs," he said, "but without the riff-raff.") This only appeared to strengthen his appeal. (Ahead of his time?)
While he didn't seem to care much for film as "art," he still contributed to projects such as "The Night of the Hunter," by Charles Laughton. He also co-wrote and composed an oratorio which was presented at the Hollywood Bowl by Orson Welles. He was good at doing accents and didn't appear to care much about his "image," which led him to appear in films which ran the gamut from classic to barely watchable. In the Eighties, when film roles began to dry up, he moved into TV, appearing in "The Winds of War" and "War and Remembrance."