Tuesday

Answer To Brain Teaser:
If you cross out the letters,
ALL UNNECESSARY LETTERS,
the remaining letters will spell: A LOGICAL SENTENCE!

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."

The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.

I was thinking about old age and decided that it is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it'.

For Michael's birthday, his wife wanted to surprise him when he came home from work. After some careful consideration she decided to strip naked and wrap herself in saran wrap from her shoulders to her ankles.

Pretty soon Michael enters his house exhausted from a tough day at work. He walks through the kitchen, places his lunchbox down, and hears his wife say, "Honey! I'm in the living room."

Rounding the corner, he spots her all wrapped up in plastic. After a quick peek, he immediately he says, "Leftovers again?!"

"Four years ago, my cousin ran for state senator."
"What's he do now?"
"Nothing. He got elected."

"Why don't we ever hear of a thief burglarizing a politician's house?"
"Professional courtesy."

Mom: What makes you think our son will be a politician?
Dad: He says more things that sound good and mean nothing than any other boy on the block.

A political pollster knocked on the door and a sour-faced lady answered.
"What party does your husband belong to?" he asked.
The lady responded curtly, "I sir, am the party he belongs to."

You might be a redneck if…

You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

'' WHAT HE SAYS / WHAT HE MEANS ''
'' "I'm going fishing."
Really means: "I'm going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
'' "It's a guy thing."
Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
'' "Can I help with dinner?"
Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
'' "Uh-huh." "Sure, honey." "Yes, dear."
Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
'' "It would take too long to explain."
Really means: "I have no idea how it works."
'' "We're going to be late."
Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
'' "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
'' "That's interesting, dear."
Really means: "Are you still talking?"
'' "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
'' "I can't find it."
Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
'' "You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."
'' "You look terrific."
Really means: "Please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
'' "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

DUMB THINGS PEOPLE SAID or DID DURING A JOB INTERVIEW...
(reported by Human Resource personnel):

A job applicant challenged the interviewer to arm wrestle.

Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer.

Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.

Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.

"What is it that you people do at this company?"

"What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"

"Why do you want references?"

"Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"

I am fascinated by fire.

I feel uneasy indoors.

My legs are really hairy.

I think I'm going to throw-up.

Candidate dozed off during interview.

"Does your health insurance cover pets?"

"Why am I here?"

Random Cartoon Title: Men Evolve