Thursday

A True Story...

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle.

"Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and International scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?"

"A penis," replied Madame deGaulle.

A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer... and no one knew what to say next.

Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said, "Ma cherie, I believe ze English pronounce zat word, 'appiness!'"

Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday school. So they went to the nearest church. But only the janitor was there.

One said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?"

"Sure," said the janitor. He took them into the bathroom and dunked their heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, "Now, go out and play."

When they got outside, dripping wet, one of them asked, "What religion do you think we are?"

The oldest one said, "We're not Catholic, because they pour the water on you. We're not Baptist because they dunk all of you in it. We're not Methodist because they just sprinkle you."

The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?"

"Yes. Why, what do you think that means?"

"That means we're Episcopalians."

Childhood&; That period when nightmares occur only during sleep.

"...I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain,

and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope.
This is the faith with which I return to the South.
With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope.

With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood.

With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning,
"My country, 'tis of thee,
sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.
Land where my fathers died,
land of the pilgrim's pride,
from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

And if America is to be a great nation
this must become true.
So let freedom ring from the prodigious
hilltops of New Hampshire.
Let freedom ring from the mighty
mountains of New York.
Let freedom ring from the heightening
Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped
Rockies of Colorado!
Let freedom ring from the curvaceous
peaks of California!
But not only that; let freedom ring
from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from
Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!
Let freedom ring from every hill
and every molehill of Mississippi.
From every mountainside,
let freedom ring.

When we let freedom ring,
when we let it ring from every village
and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men,

Jews and Gentiles,
Protestants and Catholics,
will be able to join hands and sing
in the words of the old Negro spiritual,
"Free at last! free at last!
Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

(Excerpts from the speech, "I Have A Dream", by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.)

"Are you sure this is your house?" the cop asked the thoroughly sozzled gentleman.

"Shertainly," said the drunk, "an’ if you’ll jesh open the door f’me, I’ll prove it to you."

"You shee that piano?" the drunk began. "Thash mine. You shee that TV? Thash mine, too. Follow me, follow me."

The police officer followed as he shakily negotiated the stairs to the second floor. The drunk pushed open the first door they came to.

"Thish ish my bedroom," he announced. "Shee that bed? Thash my bed. Shee that woman lying in the bed? Thash my wife. And shee that guy lying next to her?"

"Yeah," said the cop suspiciously.

"Thash me!"

You might be a redneck if…

Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"

When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at "Mom" and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened.

"Don't worry," she said, "I'll take care of it."

A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was "Mom."

"Martin," she said, "you left your cell phone at the convenience store."

Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education program at a community college, I am keenly aware of the gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older students.
My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf.
"What are all these books?" he asked.
Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias.
"Really?" he said. Someone printed out the whole thing?"

Random Cartoon Title: Laptop Design