In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
August 27, 2027
In the 72 years of the Academy Awards existence, only three films have swept all five categories in Best Picture, Best Directing, Best Actor and Actress, and Best Writing. What were the films?
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I you don't risk anything you risk even more. -- Erica Jong
The truth is the kindest thing we can give folks in the end. -- Harriet Beecher Stowe
Hold a true friend with both hands. -- Nigerian Proverb
Fashion in the U.S. during the late 1950s had interesting restrictions. Women's trousers usually had side fastenings, as front zippers for women were considered "naughty."
The aardvark has such a well-developed sense of hearing, it can detect and locate distant ants on a nighttime march.
Should we have animal testing when we have never taught them to read and write?
The mine operator called the nearby state prison and asked them to send over a safecracker to open his jammed safe. Soon a convict showed up, spun the dials, listened intently, and calmly opened the safe door.
"Well," said the mine operator, "what do you think I owe you?"
The prisoner said, "Uh, the last time I opened a safe, I got $25,000."
How To Pack Award-Winning School Lunches
( The most important part of any school lunch is the lunch box. Remember, if the kid is not proud of his lunch box, he will not digest his lunch and may be sent home for disruptive burping.
It is best to pack only cold foods for a school lunch. Cold foods can be packed the night before when you are wide awake and know what you're doing.
Make enough sandwiches to last the entire school year and freeze them. This will save lots of time and your child will love them if you place an animal sticker on each baggie and tell the kid he is getting designer frozen TV sandwiches.
Sandwiches on hard rolls keep longer than sandwiches made with sliced bread. Also, the rolls will help younger children get rid of unwanted loose baby teeth.
Apples are always great for school lunches. If your child cannot swap his apple to someone else, he may eat it just so he can play "Apple Core Baltimore."
Raw broccoli, cauliflower, and zucchini are great for school lunches if your child is overweight and needs a little encouragement to run away from home.
No school lunch is complete without several fast food packets of ketchup. A child will eat anything he can cover with ketchup. Or, at least, he will eat the ketchup.
Add something personal to make your child smile or think of you when he opens his lunch box. The most sure winner is money for junk food.
Remember to wash the lunch box with an industrial strength cleaner at least once a day. And at the end of the school year, be sure to bury it in an approved waste dump where it cannot endanger future generations.
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
The Jetsons were a twenty-first century family. George and Jane were the parents, and Judy and Elroy were their children. In what housing complex did the family live?
The Sky Pad Apartments
The Galaxy Pad
The Thunderbird Apartments
The Spacely Towers
Stuck in rush-hour traffic, I couldn't help but stare at a burly-looking biker wearing a black leather jacket and chaps pulled up next to me on a shocking pink Harley. My first thoughts were, "Is that really a pink Harley?" and, "I wonder if he's..."
Just then the traffic cleared, and he pulled in front of me. On the back of his jacket were stenciled the words, "Yes, it is. No, I'm not."
You might be a redneck if…
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Sportswriter Tom FitzGerald shares some favorite quotes from his "Top of the Sixth" column for the San Francisco CHRONICLE:
Yankees manager Joe Torre on his former hairstyle, a comb-over:
"I call it the Watergate. I try to cover up everything I can."
"He's a very one-dimensional player," PGA Tour player Steve Elkington says of golfer Tiger Woods. "All he does is win."
Sprinter Ato Boldon of Trinidad and Tobago, when asked what his country would give him in he won a gold medal in the Olympics:
"Tobago."
A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University. The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center's high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum.
"Well," said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher: Play-Doh."
In the 72 years of the Academy Awards existence, only three films have swept all five categories in Best Picture, Best Directing, Best Actor and Actress, and Best Writing. What were the films?
In the 72 years of the Academy Awards existence, only three films have swept all five categories in Best Picture, Best Directing, Best Actor and Actress, and Best Writing. They are 1934’s "It Happened One Night," 1975’s "One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest," and 1991’s "The Silence of the Lambs."