In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
September 2, 2027
What's that living in my mouth?
+----- Answer At The End -----+
I always remember an epitaph which is in the cemetery at Tombstone, Arizona It says: 'Here lies Jack Williams. He done his damnedest.' I think that is the greatest epitaph a man can have - When he gives everything that is in him to do the job he has before him. That is all you can ask of him and that is what I have tried to do. -- Harry S Truman
Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry. -- Henry Ward Beecher
Complaining is good for you as long as you're not complaining to the person you're complaining about. -- Lynn Johnston, For Better or For Worse, 11-06-03
Your skull is made up of 29 different bones.
Amresh Kumar Jha (India) balanced on one foot for 71 hours 40 minutes.
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him a verbal jab, "They don't serve beer here, you moron!"
The German fellow felt embarrassed, however he turned to the New Yorker with a surprised look on his face and begins to chuckle.
"And what's so funny?" the New Yorker demands.
Oh, nothing really, I just realized how stupid you are. You came here for the food!"
Our company offers a bonus award for employee ideas that improve safety, quality or performance. A co-worker noticed there was a power switch suspended 16 feet over our machinery. He suggested that a chain be attached to the switch, allowing it to be pulled for quick shut-off in an emergency.
The suggestion went through channels and was rejected. One reason given was that "the chain might be pushed up one day, accidentally turning the power switch on."
Some people work up steam and some only generate a fog.
There were two factories in New York City. One of them made maternity frocks for expectant mothers, so they were called the "Mother Frockers".
The factory across the street made corks for wine bottles. They had to soak the corks before they could put them into the bottles, so they were called the "Cork Soakers".
One day a Cork Soaker didn't soak a cork long enough and it flew out of one of the bottles and hit one of the Mother Frockers in the eye.
That made all the Mother Frockers mad at the Cork Soakers, so they went outside and had the biggest Mother-Frocking Cork Soaking fight you ever saw. . .
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man's balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing testicle with a pickled onion.
Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup. "How's your sex life?" asked the doctor.
"Pretty good," the man said, to the doctor's obvious relief. But then the patient added, "I've had some strange side effects that are causing serious problems."
"What's that?" the doctor asked anxiously.
"Well, every time I urinate, my eyes water."
"Hmm," said the doctor, thoughtfully.
"That's not all," continued the patient. "When my wife gives me a blowjob, she gets heartburn."
"Hmm," said the doctor, as his face reddened.
"It gets worse, Doc. Now, every time I pass a hamburger stand....I get a hard-on!"
You might be a redneck if…
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
A Southern Nativity Scene: In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it.
One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.
At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.
She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!"
I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.
She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled thru some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage.
Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar'."
Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation.
The first guy says, "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my wife flings her arms and hollers, ‘7 come 11’ all night & I haven't had a wink of sleep!"
The second guy says, "I know what you mean. My wife played blackjack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers, ‘Hit me light or hit me hard!’ and I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"
The third guy says, "You guys think you have it bad! My wife played the slots the whole time we were there and I wake up each morning with a sore dick and an ass full of quarters."
What's that living in my mouth?
YOUR MOUTH IS A JUNGLE!
For the bacteria, fungi, protozoa, and viruses inhabiting our mouths, life is a piece of cake, or whatever else we have eaten. What we lunch on, they munch on.
In fact, our mouths are ecosystems for them, as the weather forecast remains the same at 95º F, unless we are ill, the level of humidity at 100%, and the guaranteed a free meal on, actually in, the mouth is unconditional. They select their own living quarters, with some preferring life between the teeth, others preferring the space between the gums and the teeth, others preferring the roof of the mouth, and yet others preferring the cracks in the front or in the back of the tongue. They do, however, work for this luxurious lifestyle, by performing such tasks as eating each other, fending off bad species of bacteria, etc., manufacturing different products, and eating the food that becomes lodged in parts of our mouths.
The only harmful species of bacteria inhabiting our mouths is Streptococcus mutants, the cavity causing bacteria. Microbiologists believe that initially, this bacteria was our friend, and played a useful role in our mouths, just as the other species of bacteria do. As man progressed down the evolutionary timeline and began refining raw sugar, Streptococcus mutants became the enemy. This species thrives upon refined sugar and, as a part of its digestive process, converts sugar into acid.
Before man began refining sugar, the bicarbonate ions in our saliva possessed the ability to counteract the acid it produced. With the arrival of refined sugar on the scene, and Streptococcus mutants' insatiable appetite for it, acid production increased to the point where the saliva could no longer counteract it. The excess acid produced erodes our teeth, causes cavities, and subsequent visits to the dentist.
The more than 100 species of bacteria, and hundreds of species of fungi, protozoa, and viruses that have taken up residence in our mouths is difficult to fathom. Microbiologists estimate that, in addition to these known species, there are up to 500 other living, breathing organisms inhabiting our mouths, although only 50 have been identified and named. The sheer number of these creatures is astronomical, considering the fact that our mouths contain more bacteria than the entire world's population, and the fact that our bodies house approximately one trillion bacteria.
What is a person to do about these squatters? Nothing. Our bodies provide an ecosystem for them and, in return, they defend us from the invasion of bad bacteria, viruses, fungi, and protozoa, with the exception of Streptococcus mutants and a couple of other undesirable species.
Our dentists' advice to brush and to floss our teeth on a regular basis should be taken, as doing so helps to maintain healthy levels of these creatures from between 1,000 to 100,000 per tooth.
Enjoy your next meal…they certainly will!