In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
Women's Day · September 8, 2027
When should you carve a turkey?
+----- Answer At The End -----+
In making living today, many no longer leave room for life. - Joseph Sizoo, D.D.
Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket. - George Orwell
Let not thy will roar, when thy power can but whisper. -- Dr. Thomas Fuller, Gnomologia, 1732
Baby boomerang: 18 million adults ages 18 to 34 live with their parents, up 42% since 1970.
HAL, the computer in "2001 a Space Odyssey" got its name from taking each letter of the alphabet preceding the letters IBM.
Who rakes the leaves in our forests?
Working as a cargo handler for a major package delivery company, I came across an express envelope with shipping instructions that puzzled me, particularly the line describing the contents.
I finally realized the parcel contained some kind of manual and was addressed to a church. But at first I thought I was processing one of our company's most momentous pieces of freight.
The description read, "Instructions for the Assembly of God."
A Vermont farmer bought some land that was still just as it had been before the Pilgrims landed. He dug up hundreds of stones and built a fence; cut down trees to create a clearing; built a house and a small barn; cleared land for pasture, dug a well and over several years just generally worked his fingers to the bone in creating a small, neat, productive farm.
Eventually his pastor came out for a visit and marveled rather fulsomely, and at great length, at all that "you and God have done together."
"Eh," the farmer said dubiously. "Ya shoulda seen the place when God ran it on his own."
March 15 is Buzzard's Day and Everything You Think Is Wrong Day
Technology
Technology is dominated by two types of people:
Those who understand what they do not manage.
Those who manage what they do not understand.
One clear autumn day, my daughter and I were watching skywriters advertise the opening of a new store in our area. Five planes, flying in perfect formation, spelled out the name, then flew out of sight. Right behind was another plane, flying alone.
"What's that plane doing?" my daughter asked.
Tongue firmly in cheek, I replied, "Spell check."
You might be a redneck if…
The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Cow! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to continue for the next 10 minutes.
Rejected Hallmark Cards
My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire, I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.
You've announced that you're gay, won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! Cause when I had mine I got real snippy.
Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be.
But don't fret about it, she moved in with me.
You totaled your car and can't remember why.
Could it have been, that whole case of Bud Dry?
When should you carve a turkey?
A turkey should never be carved until it has been out of the oven at least 30 minutes. This permits the inner cooking to subside and the internal meat juices to stop running. Once the meat sets, it's easier to carve clean, neat slices.
Bird should be placed on back, with legs at right of platter for carving. Introduce carving fork across breastbone, hold firmly in left hand, and with carving knife in right hand cut through skin between leg and body, close to body. With knife pull back leg and disjoint from body. Then cut off wing. Remove leg and wing from other side. Separate second joints from drum-sticks and divide wings at joints. Carve breast meat in thin crosswise slices. Under back on either side of backbone may be found two small, oyster-shaped pieces of dark meat, which are dainty tidbits. Chicken and fowl are carved in the same way. For a small family carve but one side of a turkey, that remainder may be left in better condition for second serving.