MoFunny for

Friday

September 17, 2027

Trivia question....

Who was the only US president ever granted a patent?

+----- Answer At The End -----+

Consider these words of wisdom....

Men of genius are often dull and inert in society, as a blazing meteor when it descends to earth, is only a stone. - Longfellow, 1819-1892

We now have a new generation of people coming up that have put their principals and their idealism on lay-away and are a few payments behind. - Michael D. Perry

Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson

I bet ya' didn't know....

T-5 was Ford's original project name which was also used for the "Mustangs" built for export to Germany. The word "Mustang" was already covered by German trademark rights so Ford used the original project name. T-5's do not have the name "Mustang" on them.

The opposite sides of a dice cube always add up to seven!

Things that make you go Hmmm....

Why is there a road sign that says "Braille Institute, Next Exit"?

Jokes & stories....

Joke

Bizarre Animal Facts

Besides humans, the only animal that can stand on its head is the elephant.

Nearly all polar bears are left-handed.

A newborn panda is smaller than a mouse.

The heads of a freak two-headed snake will fight over food - despite sharing the same stomach.

The armadillo is the only animal - apart from man - that can catch leprosy.

Some snakes can live up to a year without eating.

Besides humans, the only animals that can suffer sunburn are pigs and horses.

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

A donkey will sink in quicksand, but a mule won't.

Pigs can become alcoholics.

When hippopotamuses get upset, their sweat turns red.

An angry gorilla pokes its tongue out.

A giraffe can clean its ears with its tongue.

Deer sleep only 5 minutes a day.

Joke

Dear Abby:

I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?

Sam in California

Dear Sam:

Yes. Run for public office.

Abby

One-liner

In 1925, Theodore Koerner shot and wounded his wife after she refused to help him solve a crossword puzzle.

Joke

Mommy, Mommy, the kids all call me a werewolf.
Never mind, dear, now go and comb your face.

Mother vampire to son:
Hurry up and eat your breakfast before it clots.

What do you get when you take the circumference of your jack-o-lantern and divide it by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.

What are a vampire's favorite snacks?
Adam's apples and nectarines.

What did Dracula say then he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I'd like to get to gnaw you.

What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his back?
"You're under a vest!"

What did the bat say to the witch's hat?
You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
Put your boos and shocks on.

What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
"Don't spook until you're spooken to."

What did the Mommy Vampire say to the Baby Vampire?
"You are driving me batty."

What do baseball players do on Halloween?
They practice pitchcraft.

What do ghouls order at McMonsters?
Handburgers.

What do little ghosts drink?
Evaporated milk.

Joke

A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves.

The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the husband keeps looking.

The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?"

The husband replies, "Autumn."

Red Neck

You might be a redneck if…

You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

Joke

An Hispanic in Phoenix has his car stolen. He doesn't report it for 7 days.

When he finally goes to the police station to report, the officer in charge says that since the loss occured over 7 days ago the vehicle is probably over the border and stripped for parts.

The Hispanic was heard to mutter as he left the station. . .

"Damn Canadians".

Joke

On my first day at the gas station, I watched a co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the underground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them.
"What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked.
"It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly.
"Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?"
"No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would blow out the match."

Picture

Trivia answer....

Abraham Lincoln, who invented a hydraulic device for lifting ships over shoals, was the only US president ever granted a patent.

"I was born Feb. 12, 1809, in Hardin County, Kentucky. My parents were both born in Virginia, of undistinguished families--second families, perhaps I should say. My mother, who died in my tenth year, was of a family of the name of Hanks.... My father ... removed from Kentucky to ... Indiana, in my eighth year.... It was a wild region, with many bears and other wild animals still in the woods. There I grew up.... Of course when I came of age I did not know much. Still somehow, I could read, write, and cipher ... but that was all."

Lincoln made extraordinary efforts to attain knowledge while working on a farm, splitting rails for fences, and keeping store at New Salem, Illinois. He was a captain in the Black Hawk War, spent eight years in the Illinois legislature, and rode the circuit of courts for many years. His law partner said of him, "His ambition was a little engine that knew no rest."

He married Mary Todd, and they had four boys, only one of whom lived to maturity. In 1858 Lincoln ran against Stephen A. Douglas for Senator. He lost the election, but in debating with Douglas he gained a national reputation that won him the Republican nomination for President in 1860.