In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
September 18, 2027
What is the coldest profession?
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I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem. - Ashleigh Brilliant
Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say and not giving a damn. -- Gore Vidal
Chase after truth like hell and you'll free yourself, even though you never touch its coat-tails. -- Clarence Darrow
According to Nielson/Net Ratings, 53 million Americans are on a chat line in a single month.
The captain of the JOLLY ROGER was James Hook.
Why do women call it "permanent" when it must be constantly redone?
Curious when I found two black-and-white negatives in a drawer, I had them made into prints. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of a younger, slimmer me, taken on one of my first dates with my husband.
When I showed him the photos, his face lit up. "Wow, look at that!" he said with appreciation. "It's my old Plymouth!"
Amanpreet was having marital problems. So he went to his psychiatrist for a little help.
The shrink says "when you get home, throw down your briefcase, run to her, embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours, and make mad passionate love to her."
In two weeks Preet was back in the shrink's office. The shrink asked "How did it go?"
Preet said, "She didn't have anything to say, but her bridge club got a kick out of it."
One of the life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!"
The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"
The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."
GOOD GIRLS VS. BAD GIRLS
Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie.
Bad girls know they could do it better.
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot.
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls pack their toothbrush.
Bad girls pack their diaphragms.
Good girls prefer the missionary position.
Bad girls do too, but only for starters.
Good girls say, "No."
Bad girls say, "When?"
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls.
Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.
Good girls wax their floors.
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls wear high heels to work.
Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
You might be a redneck if…
The ASPCA raids your kitchen.
A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license. He has to take an eye test.
They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.
"Can you read this?" the optician asks.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replies, "Heck, I know the guy."
Two sisters spent two weeks in Paris. The locals obviously hated Americans - no matter where they went, they were subject to rude behavior from waiters, store clerks, pedestrians, etc. After a while it started to irritate them.
One day, in Paris, one sister went shopping. She entered a store and started looking around. She was the only customer in the store. As she was looking through the clothes on the rack, a clerk hurriedly approached her and very abruptly asked if he could help her.
The sister was used to this bad treatment by now and she politely declined his help. She continued to look at the clothes. Then she noticed that every clerk in the store was staring at her. Defiantly, she continued to look through the clothes. When she could take this treatment no longer, she turned on her heels, with her head held high, and left the shop.
As she left, she noticed that the sign on the store read "Dry Cleaners".
What is the coldest profession?
The Adelie penguin, a species that inhabits Ross Island in Antarctica, ensures the survival of its species in a curious manner. Though scientists claim that this species mates for life, an exception is apparently made where nest building is concerned.
The female Adelie penguin, desperate to obtain the stones she uses to build her nest, visits the nests of bachelor Adelies, goes through the entire courtship routine, mates with him, and waddles off with the prized pebbles she worked for.
The harsh, frigid Antarctic climate makes it necessary for the female Adelie to use unconventional means to obtain the rocks she needs to build a nest for her offspring. Trees and grasses cannot survive in this climate, and the stones that the female penguin does find, are likely to be frozen solid in the ice or in the mud.
So rare are the pebbles the penguin needs that she sometimes even risks her neck by robbing another females' nest of the stones.
This explains why the date and mate method is the one female Adelie penguins prefer. She follows the courtship ritual, which includes repeatedly dipping her head and, if the unattached male expresses interest in her, she lies flat on her back, as an invitation to mate. Once the two have mated, the female collects the stones she came for as a sort of payment, and returns home to her mate for life!
Sometimes, especially cunning female Adelies engage in the courtship ritual, minus the mating part, grab the rocks, and go home. According to Fiona M. Hunter of the University of Cambridge, the males of this species do not bear a grudge, and do not become aggressive when they get nothing for something. This researcher even observed one bold and masterful female make off with 62 stones from one single male in one hour, without engaging in anything but the head-bobbing ritual.