In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
September 19, 2027
The Supreme Court of the United States convened in New York City for its first session. What was the year?
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Do not throw the arrow which will return against you. -- Kurdish Proverb
First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do. -- Epictetus
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop away from you like the leaves of Autumn. -- John Muir
The first aluminum pot, a stew pan, was made by Henry W. Avery in Cleveland, Ohio, in 1890, and his wife used it for 43 years.
Diamond Jim Brady, the colorful American financier, believed he was about to die in 1912, so he burned $20,000 worth of promissory notes owed him by his friends - and he recovered his health!
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
I overheard my father telling a family friend about my newly-assigned mission in the U.S. Coast Guard.
I work on a cutter that escorts all cruise ships and international vessels under the bridges in California's Bay Area. But what my father told his friend was,
"She's involved in some sort of escort service."
What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
"Do I have to eat my Brussel sprouts?"
What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman?
Have an ice day!
What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
Nothing, you just run away!
INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
A superintendent of a large, snooty apartment building got the ultimate revenge when he was called for the umpteenth time to fix a tenant's clogged toilet.
Going to her apartment, where the female tenant happened to be giving a fancy dinner party for other tenants in the building, the super had to endure her telling all the assembled guests that he was a complete incompetent idiot.
Furthermore, she got them all to go to the bathroom door to watch his clumsiness. He didn't say anything, but merely concentrated on fixing the toilet, while she kept on complaining about the bad service. So busy was she complaining, that no one noticed when the super reached quietly into his tool bag.
A minute later, he held something up triumphantly and told her and the assembled guests, "I've found what was clogging your toilet!"
All the guests broke into shocked laughter, and the woman turned a, bright beet red.
The super was holding up a large yellow banana with a red con'dom wrapped around it.
The woman never complained again.
A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!!"
The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'm homesick."
You might be a redneck if…
Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
A woman, completely fed up with her husband's AOL obsession finally takes matters into her own hands.
One night as he is sitting at the computer, she goes into the bedroom, takes off all her clothes, puts on a full length fur coat and she posts herself between her husband and his monitor.
She pulls open the jacket and yells, "Time for Super Sex!"
He ignores her.
So, she repeatedly yells, "Super Sex! Super Sex! Super Sex!"
Finally he replies, "Ok, I'll take the soup."
Once upon a time, in Medieval England, a provincial baron’s castle was under siege from a neighboring, rival baron. Day and night, the attackers launched catapulted fireballs of burning pitch, yeomen launched flight after flight of deadly arrows at the ramparts of the castle.
Little by little, the resources of the villagers huddled in the castle were dwindling away; almost no water, no wheat to make bread, no meat at all. Finally, the "mayor" of the peasants went to the baron and begged him to send for help.
The baron, sensing that if he didn’t do something soon, the peasants under his care would revolt and he would no longer be able to expect him to work his far-flung estate lands. So, the baron sent a knight on horseback to the nearest province to ask another baron for help in repelling the attackers.
As it happened, the attacking baron had constructed a huge, yellow hand and as soon as the knight left the castle to ride for help, the yellow hand immediately grasped the aid-seeking knight and crushed him, armor and all, into a small ball and was immediately flung back over the castle walls.
Undaunted, the poor baron in the castle sent out several more brave knights but each was captured and crushed by that giant yellow hand and again, one-by-one, flung back over the castle wall in a small ball.
Finally, the baron’s court magician, Marvin (Merlin’s cousin, since Merlin was busy elsewhere), provided a solution to the problem. He advised the baron, "That yellow hand is formidable, Your Excellency, you should send out your lowliest court page to seek help."
"But how will that help? My pages carry no armament, and most of them do not know how to ride a steed, " whined the baron.
"Sire," replied Marvin, "haven’t you heard that you should let your pages do the walking through the yellow fingers?"
The Supreme Court of the United States convened in New York City for its first session. What was the year?
In 1790, the Supreme Court of the United States convened in New York City for its first session.