Tuesday

LET'S JUST SEE HOW OBSERVANT YOU REALLY ARE. (I got 17.)
There are 20 questions about things we see every day. How many can you get right? These little simple questions are harder than you thinkit just shows you how little we pay attention to the common place things of life. Put your thinking caps on.
1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?
2. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?
3. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?
4. When you walk does your left arm swing w/your right or left leg?
5. How many matches are in a standard pack?
6. On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white?
7. Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clock-wise?
8. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?
9. Which side of a women's blouse are the buttons on?
10. Whose face is on a dime?
11. How many sides does a stop sign have?
12. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?
13. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?
14. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?
15. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc: Who's missing?
16. On which playing card is the card maker's trademark?
17. On the back of a $1 bill, what is in the center?
18. There are 12 buttons on a touch-tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?
19. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip?
20. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise?
Don't look at answers below until you finish all the questions!

A Russian man is walking through a bazaar, when a stranger comes up to him and offers to sell him some illegal Viagra for 100 rubles. "No, not worth it!"

"OK, how about 50 rubles?"

"No, not worth it!"

"OK, 20?"

"No, not worth it!"

"How about 10?"

"No, not worth it!"

"Listen, these pills cost $10 American each. How can you say they are not worth it?"

"Oh, the pills are worth it," said the Russain. "It's my wife that's not worth it."

They say the house didn't float very far at all.

AN IRISH FRIENDSHIP WISH

May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your windowpane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you;
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

The middle aged secretary had never been married and had had enough of work, as well as the single life. It was no secret that she was looking to get married.

As she came back from her lunch hour with another bag from the drug store, a co-worker said, "In the past 3 weeks you've bought enough birth control pills to last a year, lots of vaginal foam, flavored douches, several diaphragms and Lord knows how many condoms. And you don't even have a boyfriend. Whom are you trying to seduce?"

She smiled slyly and replied, "The pharmacist, silly."

You might be a redneck if…

You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

A nun walks into a liquor store and asks to buy a fifth of whiskey. She says it's for Mother Superior's constipation, so the owner says ok. She buys the booze and leaves.

Two hours later, the owner closes store and walks through the park on his way home. As he's walking, he spots the same nun sitting on a park bench, roaring drunk.

"Shame on you, Sister", he says, "I thought that whiskey was for Mother Superior's constipation."

"It is," she slurrs. "When she sees me, she'll shit!"

"A Great Outlook Patch Nobody Uses"

Here's something I found really useful:
http://office.microsoft.com/Downloads/2000/Out2ksec.aspx

The related article is
http://wired.com/news/technology/0,1282,48756,00.html