Monday

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them.

Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.

The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."

The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "Not yet. It's HIS turn with the teeth."

Kevin is very attentive when he goes out on a date, he took a lady out to see "The Sixth Sense, he was overheard to say:

Kevin in movie: "Can you see, dear?
Date: "Yes"
Kevin: "Is your seat comfortable ?"
Date: "Yes"
Kevin: "Is there a draft on you ?"
Date: "No"
Kevin: "Good! Let's change seats."

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Recently my wife was behind a car with three bumper stickers:
"Don't be fooled by genetically engineered fooddemand labels and safety testing for food"; "Eat for the health of it"; and
"Support organic farmers."
The car was in front of her at a McDonald's drive-through.

Bizarre Facts About Humans

People who live in the city have longer, thicker nose hairs than people who live in the country.

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every 2 weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.

Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands.

The human heart creates enough pressure while pumping to squirt blood 30 feet.

We shed an average of 40 pounds of dead skin in a lifetime.

When we blush, our stomach lining also turns red.

You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

Your tongue print is as unique as your fingerprint.

We get goose bumps where our ancestors used to have hair.

On a square inch of our skin, there are 20 million micro- scopic animals.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

You might be a redneck if…

You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him."

The father, a grocery store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son- in-law's arm and said, "No deposit, no return."

My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where Vermont was.

As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, "Look, I'm not stupid or anything, but what state is it in?"