In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
October 1, 2027
Who composed Johnny Cash's 1969 country hit "A Boy Named Sue?"
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Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler. - Albert Einstein
If the wind will not serve, take to the oars. -- Latin Proverb
It is not always the same thing to be a good man and a good citizen. -- Aristotle, 'Nicomachean Ethics,' 325 B.C.
What do the following words have in common: desert diner later liter super? When their third letters are doubled, they all become new words.
Women in Switzerland could not vote until 1971.
If all men are created equal why don't I have the muscles of Superman?
During a recent business trip to Boeing's Everett, Wash., factory, I noticed several 747 and 777 airliners being assembled.
Before the engines were installed, huge weights were hung from the wings to keep the planes balanced. The solid-steel weights were bright yellow and marked, "14,000 lbs."
But what I found particularly interesting was some stenciling I discovered on the side of each weight.
Imprinted there was the warning: "Remove before flight."
An old farmer decided to visit a pond in the back of his property that he had not visited in a long time. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing.
As he came closer, he discovered a bunch of young women were skinny dipping in his pond. He politely made the women aware of his presence, and soon they all moved to the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The farmer replied, "Oh, don't worry about me. I didn't come down here to see you skinny dipping. I'm just here to feed the alligator."
The moral being: Age and cunning will triumph over youth and enthusiasm EVERY time!
March 27 is National "Joe" Day
A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. He offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful.
When the guest finally was able to speak, he gasped, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passed out a sample of it."
Here (FINALLY) is an explanation of the school homework policy:
Students should not spend more than 90 minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner:
15 minutes looking for assignment.
11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.
23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.
8 minutes in the bathroom.
10 minutes getting a snack.
7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
You might be a redneck if…
Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
My friend said that he had dogs that talked in their sleep. Skeptical, I went to see. In front of the fireplace lay a hound fast asleep. He mumbled "I've just written a best seller." Later, he said, "I've just returned from the moon."
I was impressed and said so. "But, he tells lies," I said.
"Yes, he does," said my friend. "But that's OK. When you have a talking dog, you've got to make allowances.
I find that ... it's best to let sleeping dogs lie.
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said.
"A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A little girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"
Who composed Johnny Cash's 1969 country hit "A Boy Named Sue?"
Children's author Shel Silverstein, who wrote the 1981 bestseller "A Light in the Attic" (which was on The New York Times best sellers list for 182 weeks), as well as the children's classics "The Giving Tree" (1964) and "Where the Sidewalk Ends" (1974) had other creative talents as well.
He composed Johnny Cash's 1969 country hit "A Boy Named Sue." Silverstein earned a Grammy for Best Country Song and Cash received a Grammy for Best Country Male Vocal Performance for the tune.
BOY NAMED SUE
My daddy left home when I was three,
And he didn't leave much to Ma and me...
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.
Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid,
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me 'Sue'.
Well, he must o' thought that is was quite a joke,
And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk.
It seems I had to fight my whole life through.
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red,
And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head.
I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named 'Sue'.
Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean,
My fist got hard and my wits got keen.
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame.
But I made me a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars,
And kill that man that give me that awful name.
Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
And I just hit town, and my throat was dry.
I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew.
At an old saloon on a street of mud,
There at a table, dealing stud,
Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me 'Sue'.
Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had,
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
He was big and bent and gray and old,
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold,
And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do! Now you gonna die!"
Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes,
And he went down, but, to my surprise,
He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear.
But I busted a chair right across his teeth
And we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer.
I tell ya, I've fought tougher men,
But I really can't remember when,
He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss,
He went for his gun and I pulled mine first,
He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile.
And he said: "Son, this world is rough,
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough,
And I know I wouldn't be there to help ya along.
So I give ya that name and I said good-bye.
I knew you'd have to get tough or die,
And it's that name that helped to make you strong."
He said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight,
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.
But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you 'Sue'."
I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
And I called him my pa, and he called me his son,
And I come away with a different point of view.
And I think about him, now and then,
Every time I try and every time I win,
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him
Bill or George! Anything but sue! I still hate that name!