Sunday

Ok, I'm the only female in a house full of guys: 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat never down, etc.-you get the picture. Therefore, I'm the only one who would be using Female products, correct?

A strange thing was happening at my house: tampons were disappearing.

*insert Twilight Zone theme*

It started a few months ago, when I went to my cupboard to get out a tampon and there was only one left. I could have sworn I had just bought a box the month before. So, I go back to the store, buy a new box and forget about it.

The next month (that time of month), I go back to the cupboard and viola! there is only one tampon left, again! What is going on here? Gremlins? Total memory failure?

I go to the store, buy another box and try to chalk it up to forgetfulness, but am really wondering, now.

Later in the month, I decide to clean out my two youngest sons' closet and, Low and Behold! at the bottom of their closet are the wrappers, applicators, and the tampon themselves!

Now I am starting to freak... Dear God, what are they doing with them?!!

I get hold of myself, tell myself that "I am an Adult" and can handle this-despite the bizarre thoughts running through my mind. Wondering, "Do I have enough money saved up in the bank for MAJOR THERAPY?"

I go to the stairs and yell to my two youngest sons to "Come Here, RIGHT NOW!!!"

With their usual lack of speed, they finally appear in their room to find me staring into the bottom of their closet.

I firmly, but with control, ask, "What are you doing with THOSE? Those are MINE!"

My 12 year old looks like a deer caught in the headlights and is silent.

My 10 year old looks at me, all innocent, and says, "Well, Mom, we were playing with our G.I. Joes and THOSE make really good SCUD missiles. What do YOU use them for?"

"NEVER MIND...GO PLAY!!!!"

In 1997, Harvard funded a study to see why the head of a pen1s was bigger than the rest of it.

After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the US published the study, Yale decided to do their own. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

Mississippi State, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

Two buddies were sitting at the bar in a singles' club and talking about another guy who was sitting at the other end of the bar.

"I don't get it," complained the first guy, "He's not good looking, he has absolutely no taste in clothes, and he drives a beat up wreck of a car,... yet he always manages to go home with the most beautiful women here!"

"Yeah," replies his buddy, "He's not even a very good conversationalist, all he does is sit there and lick his eyebrows!"

If GH stands for P as in Hiccough
If OUGH stands for O as in Dough
If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis
If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour
If TTE stands for T as in Gazette
If EAU stands for O as in Plateau
The right way to spell POTATO shoud be: GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU

You might be a redneck if…

You own a homemade fur coat.

I got the strangest recording when I called the phone company the other day.
It said, "You have been connected to the correct department on the first try. This is against company policy. Please hang up and redial."

I work for an accounting firm where it's not unusual fo have an IRS agent in the office examining taxpayer records. We try to let clients know when an agent is present so they will watch what they say.

One time a co-worker handed a client a note which read, "There is an IRS agent in the office." The client scribbled a response and handed it back to the accountant.

"I know," the client wrote. "It's my brother-in-law."