In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023

MoFunny for

Friday

November 19, 2027

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Trivia question....

Why are manhole covers round?

+----- Answer At The End -----+


Consider these words of wisdom....

Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth. - Lillian Hellman

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You better live your best and act your best and think your best today, for today is the sure preparation for tomorrow and all the other tomorrows that follow. -- Harriet Martineau

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If you wish me to weep, you must mourn first yourself. -- Horace

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I bet ya' didn't know....

One of the most useful sites for staying in touch with your government is www.firstgov.gov, a general site created by the federal government that is linked to a wide range of government groups.

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Andrew Jackson bought his wife a parrot. She died. He left the parrot in Tennessee when he became president. He died. The parrot was brought to his funeral. It intermittently punctuated the ceremony with cuss words heard by all.

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Things that make you go Hmmm....

Why is a Mom with two or more kids called a "single Mom"?

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Jokes & stories....

Joke

An old Jew and a young Jew are travelling on the train.

The young Jew asks: "Excuse me, what time is it?"

The old Jew does not answer.

"Excuse me, sir, what time is it?"

The old Jew keeps silent.

"Sir, I'm asking you what time is it. Why don't you answer?"

The old Jew says: "Son, the next stop is the last on this route. I don't know you, so you must be a stranger. If I answer you now, I'll have to invite you to my home. You're handsome, and I have a beautiful daughter. You will both fall in love and you will want to get married. Tell me, why would I need a son-in-law who can't even afford a watch?"

Joke

If you can start the day without caffeine;
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains;
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles;
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it;
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time;
If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong;
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment;
If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him/her;
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend;
If you can face the world without lies and deceit;
If you can conquer tension without medical help;
If you can relax without liquor;
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs;
If you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics;

...Then, you are ALMOST as good as your dog!

One-liner

September 23 is... Checkers Day and Dogs In Politics Day

Joke

An alien scout ship from the star system Alpha Proxima arrives on earth to search for intelligent life. Not wanting to draw attention to themselves they decide to begin their specimen search at sea.

A safe distance from the shores of New Englander they find a promising specimen: a male biped in a rowboat somewhere off the shore of New England. But, to their disappointment, all he can say is, "God Bless America!" Not knowing what do make of this they strap him to their examination table for a series of tests.

They knock him out, remove 25% of his brain, and awaken him. "God Bless America!" he shouts defiantly.

They knock him out again, remove another 25% of his brain, leaving only 50%, and awaken him. "God Bless America!" he shouts defiantly.

They knock him out yet again, remove another 25% of his brain, leaving only 25%, and awaken him. "God Bless America!" he shouts defiantly.

Amazed, they knock him out yet again, remove the remainder of his brain, leaving him with none, and awaken him. "God Bless America!" he shouts defiantly.

Shock and awe ensues and the alien doctors don't know what to do next, until one of the interns suggest they try methodically removing other parts to see what happens.

After some discussion it's agreed that they continue by removing his testicles. "Vive le France!" he shouts defiantly.

Joke

There were three men from the Caribbean living together in London; a Trinidadian, a Barbadian and a Jamaican who were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food. However, upon coming close to a posh restaurant they came up with a plan.

The Trinidadian went in first.

After being seated he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal the waiter came by with the cheque. "But I paid you!" the Trinidadian shouted.

The waiter was very confused as he could not remember being paid, but as he did not want to cause any trouble, he let the Trini leave.

Five minutes later the Barbadian walked into the restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for food. "But I paid you!" The Barbadian shouted.

This time the manager came and had to calm down the Bajan, and as he did not want anything to upset the other customers he let the Bajan go.

Ten minutes later the Jamaican walked in, sat down, lit a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu plus two Red Stripe beers. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal and before asking for it, the waiter said, "Sir... I have been having a sort of problem all day and I can't understand it. Other people like you came in earlier and ate and they said that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them, so..."

Before he could finish, the Jamaican chimed in loudly, "Hear mi nuh boss, that ah fi yu problem... jus gimme mi change!"

Red Neck

You might be a redneck if…

Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".

Joke

The Salt Lake Organizing Committee announced last April that 12,000 condoms would be among the perks offered world-class athletes living in the village.

As I'm an employee of Cardinal Health, Inc., I was pleased to see my employer mention on Fox News. Check out the link...

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,44496,00.html

Joke

When the honeymoon couple woke up their first morning after getting married, the husband looked at his wife and said, "Honey, go fix us a cup of coffee."

She looked at him and said, "No, I'm not the one who will fix coffee in the morning in this house. It is and will be your job to get up and fix us a cup of coffee in the mornings."

"What do you mean it is my job to fix coffee in the mornings? We are married and it is the wife's job to fix coffee in the mornings."

"No way, Jose," she replied. "It says in the Bible is the man's job to fix coffee in the mornings. and we are going to do as the Bible says."

"Now wait just a doggone minute. I know a lot about the Bible and I never read it is the man's job to fix coffee in the mornings. Now tell me where you read that."

"Look right here," she said while opening the Bible. "Right here in bold print it says He brew."


Trivia answer....

Why are manhole covers round and not square or rectangular?

So they don't fall in!

Manholes, which interconnect underground sewerage pipes, and serve as a point of entry for cleaning the pipes, are located at every major sewer pipe junction, and are capped with round manhole covers. The reason for the circular construction of these covers is, quite simply, that covers of any other shape would fall through the manholes by virtue of their varying diameters. Circular manhole covers do not vary in width, or in diameter, as is the case with these other shapes, thus remaining in place despite the street traffic running roughshod over them.

Manufacturers craft the manhole covers together with the smaller sized lip, upon which they rest, at the same time to ensure a tightly sealed fit. Additionally, the manufacture of circular manhole covers is easier and more accurate than the manufacture of covers of any other shape. Lastly, round manhole covers, once removed, require less lifting and less manpower, as their shape allows them to be rolled.