MoFunny for

Friday

May 7, 2027

Trivia question....

How were shoes first made?

+----- Answer At The End -----+

Consider these words of wisdom....

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. - Oscar Wilde, 1856-1900

Genius is an infinite capacity for taking pains. - Jane Hopkins

Reading, after a certain age, diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits. Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

I bet ya' didn't know....

When Sir Walter Raleigh introduced tobacco into England in the early 1600's, King James I wrote a booklet against it.

The first Band-Aid Brand Adhesive Bandages were three inches wide and eighteen inches long. You made your own bandage by cutting off as much as you needed.

Things that make you go Hmmm....

Why do we have to be quiet in Art Museums?

Jokes & stories....

Joke

"Mike, Mike!" called Mike Delaney's wife, Bridget, when he came home one evening. "Run over to the Macks' and see what's the matter with Pat. He's been running up and down the yard since breakfast, these two days; and the weather's bad for shirt sleeves. I'm thinking he's either lost his mind or training for a policeman."

"Whist, woman!" said Mike. "Let him be. He's got a wife of his own to worry him."

The next evening she met Mike at the door. "Sure," said she, "his brain's gone entirely, or it must be dancin' lessons he's after takin', for he's prancin' about the yard all this blessed day, he is."

So Mike thinks he would better look into the matter, and he goes to Pat. "Man, man!" he said. "Can't your wife jaw at you enough without all the neighbors taking a whack. What are you making a spectacle of your feelin's in the back yard for? Are you crazy?"

"Sure," replied Pat, "I'm only followin' directions. It's a bit sick I've been and the doctor left me some medicine.

He told me to take it two days runnin' and then skip a day."

Joke

Thanks, Dave....

Just put the puzzle together, then wait a few seconds for the dog to come out!

[ http://www.riversongs.com/Flas/today.swf ]

One-liner

Why do people sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" when they're already there?

Joke

The young ladies were taking their final vows to become nuns at the Mass. The presiding bishop noticed two rabbis seated at the back of the sanctuary. They'd insisted on sitting on the right side of the center aisle.

The bishop was curious why they'd come, but didn't have time to ask. He went ahead and started the ceremony. Later, when it was time for announcements, the bishop went back to where the rabbis sat.

"I'm delighted to see you both here and thank you for coming. But I'm a little curious as to why you're present on this occasion where these young women are becoming 'Brides of Christ'."

The more senior of the rabbis smiled, rose to his feet, and explained, "We're 'Family of the Groom'."

Joke

CONTROVERSY:
Should the tree be real or fake?

YUPPIE: Live tree, planted after use
MALE: Fake tree, discarded after use
FEMALE: Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits
REALITY: Fake tree stays up until May, adorned with furballs

Dilemma: Should tree lights twinkle or stay constant?
YUPPIE: Each bulb blinks to its own random rhythm
MALE: Bulbs flash logo of football team
FEMALE: Elegant flickering candles
REALITY: Tree bursts into flames, burns house down

Dilemma: Should tree be topped with an angel or a star?
YUPPIE: Gender-neutral angel; no submissive female stereotype
FEMALE: Authentic angel explains true meaning of Christmas
REALITY: Thief steals the tree and the gifts

Red Neck

You might be a redneck if…

You've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.

Joke

The difference between men and women in one paragraph:

A man is driving up a steep narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road.

As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, "Pig!"

The man immediately leans out the window and replies, "Bitch!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a giant boar in the middle of the road.

Joke

IF WOMEN HAD A PENIS!

A survey asked women:

"What would you do if you woke up and had a penis?"

Here are their actual responses...

"I would walk around and prod my husband all night long with it, whatever he is doing I'll be there prodding him with it."

"I would write my name in the snow."

"I would go into my boss' office and lay it on his desk and say: 'Where is my raise?'"

"I would find my ex-boyfriend, go to bed with him and tell him to roll over and try something new."

"I would want a big one and show it off to everyone."

"I could grab myself in public and not be embarrassed."

"I would not lift the lid on the toilet seat while peeing."

"I would measure it both ways."

"Pee off of a tall building."

"I would speed to the hospital and have it surgically removed."

"I would treat women better with it."

"I would love him, and squeeze him, and play with it all day."

"Demonstrate to my husband and my two sons that it is possible to hit the water and not pee all over everything."

"Pin my husband down and slap him in the face with it."

"I would play with it and then make him roll over into the wet spot."

"Go to an adult store and try out all kinds of stimulants to see what was the best."

"Stand up and jump up and down and watch it swing all around."

"See how many donuts I could carry with it."

"Check out my boyfriends gag reflexes!"

Picture

Trivia answer....

Ancient man, living in colder climates, is credited with making the first shoes, by adding material to the top of the crude "sandals" his neighbors in warmer climates had invented. He did so out of necessity, to give his feet additional protection from the cold.

Early man, in warmer climates, invented the sandal to protect his feet from sharp rocks, and did so by strapping a mat of woven grass, a strip of animal hide, or a slab of flat wood to his feet with "thongs" he cut out of animal hide. Some even pulled the thongs between the toes and tied them around the ankles to tighten the fit of these crude sandals.

Wealthy ancient Egyptians wore sandals as long as 5,000 years ago, eventually everyone began wearing them, and the Egyptians designed different shoes for different purposes. For example, some of the sandals were make with upturned toes to give the wearer additional protection. These improvements upon the sandal created a need for shoemakers, and the ancient Egyptians became the first shoemakers in the world.

Ancient Greeks invented the boot, by replacing the sandal's thongs with solid leather. Many of these crude shoes have endured and are still worn today. Common examples include the sandals the ancient Greeks and Romans wore, the moccasins American Indians wore, and the clogs people in Holland still wear.

In the Middle Ages, around the time the Crusades began, modern shoes appeared on the scene. The Crusaders, who went on long treks, needed durable, comfortable shoes that people then began making for this purpose.

Eventually, the styles and types of shoes made became a fashion statement, at the cost of comfort, instead of protective footwear. Fashion trends rapidly changed, and the fashionable, uncomfortable shoes with pointed, six-inch toes, gave way to another uncomfortable shoe known as the high heel.

In 1629, a shoemaker by the name of Thomas Beard, arrived in America on the second voyage of the Mayflower, opened a shop in which he could practice his trade, and sparked of our modern shoe industry.