In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
August 6, 2027
Why do migrating birds bother to fly back north?
+----- Answer At The End -----+
Less is more - more or less. - Ludwig Mies van der Rohe
A little work, a little sleep, a little love and it is all over. - Robert Frost
As you ramble on through life, brother, whatever be your goal: keep you eyes upon the donut, and not upon the hole! - Dr. Murray Banks
The world record for a photographic memory feat is held by a man in Burma who recited 16,000 pages of Buddhist canonical texts from memory.
President William Taft kept a cow on the White House lawn to supply him with fresh milk. He was the last president to do so.
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents youngMichael cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, andbeautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving.Don't try and stop me!"
With that he headed toward the door. His father rose andfollowed close behind.
"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stopme."
"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait aminute, I'll go with you."
Questions to ponder
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you hear about the woman who started dating rakes and fell on hard tines?
George W. Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to glitches in the mundane/celestial Time-Space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously (even though their deaths take place decades apart).
The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions the good Doctor.
"You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak in Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and requests, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers; the blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe, with arcane mathematics and symbols, his Special Theory of Relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really *ARE* Einstein! Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials.
Picasso doesn't hesitate. "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"
Saint Peter says "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures their essences with but a few strokes of the chalk.
Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!"
The last to arrive is George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head.
"Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
George W. looks bewildered. "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs "Come on in, George."
Laws of Cat Physics
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Obstruction
A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
Law of Bag/Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
You might be a redneck if…
Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world."
The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
We were going out of state for six weeks and asked the neighbors' nine-year-old son Mike to care for our dog. We explained that the job required feeding, grooming, walking, and, most of all, plenty of love and playtime. Then we asked Mike what the job would be worth to him.
He said, "I'll give you ten bucks."
Why do migrating birds bother to fly back north?
The primary reason that our feathered friends migrate South in the Fall, or North in the Spring, does not solely lie in the cold of winter, as most are well-equipped to survive in extreme temperatures, but instead lies with the upcoming shortage of food. Mother Nature endowed birds with an internal clock that warns them to get out-of-town, or to face possible starvation. Because birds can to detect seasonal changes, they take note when the days become shorter, and fly South in search of alternate food sources, only to return home again in the Spring when there is an abundance of tasty insects, or small, scurrying rodents.
An additional trigger for birds to migrate is the need to breed to repopulate their species. Often, they return in the spring to procreate in the exact nesting spot they vacated in the fall. Birds certainly do qualify as creatures of habit!
The streamlined, aerodynamic birds go to great lengths to make their migratory trips, sometimes flying as far as to other continents, or from the lowlands to the highlands, or from the interior of a country to the seashore. The Arctic tern holds the long-distance medal for travel, as he travels from Antarctica to Massachusetts, logging up to 22,000 miles in stretches of up to 1,000 miles per week. Unfortunately, he does not rack up frequent flyer miles! Most land-lubbers make puddle-jumper like flights, with the exception of the American Golden Plover, who undertakes a non-stop, direct flight over the open expanse of ocean, from Nova Scotia to South America, without making one pit-stop!
For some reason, most migratory birds schedule their annual departure and return dates close to, or on the same day, as in the previous year. Their timing, however, is not exact, as is the case with the legendary swallows of Capistrano, California. Reportedly, their annual migration begins like clockwork on October 23, and ends with their return on March 19. The legendary swallows sometimes do disappoint and vary their migratory schedule, much to the chagrin of the California Division of Tourism!
No scientific certainty exists as to how migratory birds establish their flight plans or patterns. They are not blessed with the bat's radar system, so fly-by-night birds have no physical landmarks to guide them, and those who make overseas flights have no landmarks to go by, even during the daylight hours. The most prevalent, plausible theory is that migratory birds sense the magnetic fields that surround the earth, and guide their flights by these lines, which stretch from North to South. How else would young birds, who have logged no flight miles, successfully complete their migrations, especially in light of the fact that their mothers leave them in the dust, and begin their migrations first? Whatever the reason, neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these birds from the swift completion of their annual migrations!