Friday

A black man and his wife were going to a Halloween party in a couple of days so the husband tells his wife to go to the store and get costumes for them to wear. When he comes home that night he goes into the bedroom and there laid out on the bed is a Superman costume.

The husband yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Superman? Take this back and get me something else I can wear."

The next day the wife, not too happy, returns the costume and gets a replacement. The husband comes home from work goes to the bedroom and there, laid out on the bed, is a Batman costume.

He again yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Batman? Take this shit back and get me something I can wear to the costume party!"

The next morning his irate wife goes shopping. When the husband comes home again from work, there laid out on the bed are three items: one is a set of three white buttons, the second is a thick white belt, and the third item is a 2 x 4.

The husband yells at the wife, "What the hell are these for?"

The wife yells back, "Take your clothes off. You can put the three white buttons on the front of you and go as a domino. If you don't like that one, you can put the white belt on and go as an Oreo. And if you don't like THAT one, you can stick the 2 x 4 up your ass and go as a fudge sickle!"

Three men had been stuck on an island for ten years.

Just as they were about to give up hope, one of the men finds a magic lamp.

The first man wished to be 10% smarter, and then he was able to make a fire and send morse code s moke signals for help.

The second one wished to be 25% smarter, and suddenly he knew how to build a sturdy raft capable of getting them all off the island.

Then the third man wished to be 50% smarter, and he turned into a woman and walked across the bridge.

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

On my 15th birthday, I opened a package from my mom and sister. Out came a beauty case containing samples of my very own makeup. "Oh, neat," my dad said excitedly, "a tackle box!"

My mother and sister explained that it was a beauty kit, not a tackle box. As I opened it up and showed everyone the eye shadow, mascara, and rouge, my father leaned over to my mother and whispered, "I told you it was a tackle box. Just look at all those lures."

You Don't Want To Hear
The Washington POST asked its readers to supply the beginning of a sentence that you don't want to hear the end of:
"It looks like when they built your basement, they did a kind of funny thing..."
"Sir, uh, me and your daughter..."
"Mom, I know you said I couldn't get my ears pierced, so..."
"In what experts are emphasizing is merely a long-overdue market correction..."
"We are now making our approach to National Airport, and I have locked the cabin door and lit seven candles, as commanded by my dog Buster, and..."
"First, I'd like to thank the academy..."

You might be a redneck if…

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

I was driving down a lonely country road one cold winter day when it began to sleet pretty heavily.

My windows were getting icy and my wiper blades were badly worn and quickly fell apart under the strain. Unable to drive any further because of the ice building up on my front window I suddenly had a great idea. I stopped and began to overturn large rocks until I located two very lethargic hibernating rattle snakes. I grabbed them up, straightened them out flat and installed them on my blades and they worked just fine.

What! You've never heard of wind chilled vipers?

A woman answers the phone in a busy office, "Good morning, Cleveland Parachute Club".

A startled man on the other end replied, "Excuse me, but isn't this the Cleveland Prostitute Club"?

"Oh no sir", came the embarrassed reply, "this is the Cleveland Parachute Club".

"Damn!" said the man. "I'm afraid I made a big mistake. Last week your salesman called and signed me up for two jumps a week".

Random Cartoon Title: Safe Sex in Middle E