In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
October 31, 2027
What animal can leap 12 times its height?
+----- Answer At The End -----+
Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth. -- Benjamin Disraeli
There is only one real deprivation, I decided this morning, and that is not to be able to give one's gifts to those one loves most. -- May Sarton
Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose. -- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Polar ice cap evidence suggests the largest volcanic eruption of the millenium occured in the year 1259.
William Leggett (1802-1875) attended services daily at both the St. George and Eton Chapels in Eton, England, for 50 years, without once being late or tardy. He had memorized the entire BIBLE, yet he could neither read nor write.
Have you ever noticed that just one *line* makes all the difference between EAT and FAT?
A husband asks his wife, "If I should die first would you marry again?"
"I would be heart-broken, of course," was her reply, "but I think eventually I would remarry."
"But you wouldn't bring him here to our house?"
"Why not? I've worked and slaved to make this house a home. There is no reason to abandon it."
"But you wouldn't sleep in our bed?"
"Well, I wouldn't run out and buy a new bed right away."
"Surely, you wouldn't let him use my golf clubs?"
"Of course not! He's lefthanded!"
John was in a bar looking very dejected. His friend, Steve, walked over and asked, "What's wrong?"
"It's my mother-in-law," John replied, while shaking his head sadly. "I have a real problem with her."
"Cheer up," Steve said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law."
"Yeah," John answered. "But not everybody gets theirs' pregnant."
For people who like peace and quiet - a phoneless cord.
There is a merry family gathering with all generations around the table.
The little rascals smuggle a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink.
After a while, Grandpa excuses himself because he has to go to the bathroom. When he returns, however, his trousers are wet all over.
"What happened, Grandpa?" he is asked by his concerned children.
"Well," he answers, " I had to go to the bathroom." "So I took it out, but then I saw couldn't have been been mine, so I put it back!"
Did you hear about the South Carolina redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?
She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
***
What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a redneck?
The good ol' boy raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved.
***
How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the front desk says, "go ahead."
***
How many rednecks does it take eat a 'possum?
Two. One to eat, and one to watch out for traffic.
***
A new law recently passed in North Carolina:
When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.
***
Redneck goes to a pharmacist and says: "I've got a hot date for tonight, an' I needs me some pertection. How much is a pack a' them thar rubbers gonna cost me?"
To which the pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
To which the redneck replies: "TACKS! Gawd a'mighty, don't they stay on by themselves?!"
You might be a redneck if…
Your wedding was held in the delivery room.
I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"
I was driving home from work when, out of nowhere, a bird slammed into my windshield.
The poor creature got its wing stuck under the windshield wiper, so I tried to get it loose by turning on the switch. On the first upswing of the wiper, the bird flew off, slamming into the windshield of the police car behind me.
Immediately, the cop pulled me over. He walked up and told me he saw what happened. "I'm going to have to write you up," he said, "for flipping me the bird."
What animal can leap 12 times its height?
Jackrabbits are powerful jumpers.
A twenty inch adult can leap twenty feet in a single bound.
Jackrabbits are actually hares, not rabbits. The black-tailed jackrabbit is long-legged and lean, about 17-31 inches, and weighs 3-7 pounds. Its fur is buff-colored to blend in with the arid environment. Its relatively long tail has a black stripe, and its long brown ears have black tips. The white-tailed jackrabbit is 18-22 inches long and weighs 5-10 pounds. It is a brownish gray color in the summer and white or pale gray in the winter. Its tail is nearly always white.
Jackrabbits are primarily nocturnal and come alive as night falls. During the day, they use shrubs and/or shallow burrows for cover. They may lie crouched in “forms” they’ve made in the grass by using the same spot many times. On warm days they relax in the shade of a small bush or fence post and spend the day snoozing and grooming themselves. They feed mostly on needle-and-threadgrass, yarrow, turpentine springparsley, and tumblemustard. They depend heavily on shrubs such as sagebrush for protective cover. Jackrabbits are a sagebrush obligate species, meaning they need sagebrush to survive. Black-tailed jackrabbits are the principal prey of golden eagles and are an important food source for coyotes, common ravens, the great horned owl, long-eared owl, barn owl, ferruginous hawk, Swainson’s hawk, and red-tailed hawk. Humans also are a predator of jackrabbits. White-tailed jackrabbits occur in sagebrush/bunchgrass habitats, generally at higher elevations than black-tailed jackrabbits. Their diet consists primarily of forbs during summer months and shrubs in the winter.