"There are three words in English ending in -gry. I only know hungry and angry. Please tell me what the third one is."
Jokes
Tom's jokes and funny stories, from the daily pages (2002–2004) and the joke database (2006). 2,977 items · page 40 of 75
Here are several ways to really get even with someone:
GARAGE SALE: Place an ad in the classified section of your local newspaper advertising a GIGANTIC Garage Sale listing the address of your victim. Advertise televisions, camcorder, vintage automobile, antiques, etc. Sale begins at 6:00 a.m. all items in the backyard, Just come around back and Come early!
X-RAYS AT AIRPORTS: Purchase a large adult bedroom toy. Wrap it in a large amount of tin foil. Secretly hide it in a piece of the victims carry on luggage. As it goes through the airport x-ray machine the contents of the device will be shielded by the tin foil and will be unwrapped and inspected by airport security officials an absolute classic. . .
OIL SPOT: At night pour used oil underneath the victims car while parked in the driveway. Pour enough that will be alarming. Continue to do this each night. The subject will spend great deals of money trying to get the oil leak repaired time and time again. I have even heard of a person buying a new car after the repeated attempts at repair. Imagine their surprise when that new car starts leaking too.
PAPER MONEY: Write a sexually oriented solicitation message, victim's name and phone number (inviting a phone call) on the edge of several pieces of paper money before spending them. The victim will receive many eye popping inquiries another favorite. . .
FAX MACHINES: Write whatever you wish on 9 pages of 8 1/2 by 11 inch paper and tape them together (end to end). Dial the victim's fax number and start sending the pages through. After page two has been transmitted, tape the top of page 1 to the bottom of page 9 making a continuous loop. The document will continue to cycle until the victim's fax machine has run out of paper. Be sure and disable your phone number from being printed on the fax and also disable caller I.D. This prank is great to get even with a business or individual who has somehow cheated you. This can have same results as OIL SPOT.
A lady and her dog were enjoying a stroll in the park when her dog was mounted from behind by a large Rottweiler.
The Rot was really humping away and the lady was frantically trying to break them up, to no avail.
A small boy walked up and stuck his finger in the Rot's ass, and the action immediately stopped.
The lady was amazed. "How did you do that?" she asked.
The little boy said, "That's my dog! He can dish it out, but he can't take it!"
He's sooooo mean....
If you kicked him in the heart, you'd break your toe.
He'd steal a dead fly from a blind spider.
He's deaf, and never told his barber.
You couldn't warm up to him if you were cremated together.
He sends get-well cards to hypochondriacs.
He'd cry over your wounds so he could get salt in them.
He has as much use for anyone living as an undertaker.
He applied for a job as a prison warden so he could put tacks in the electric chair.
He folds his newspaper so the guy next to him on the bus can only read half the headline.
He has a testimonial plaque from Kenneth Starr.
He takes sparrows, dips them in peroxide, and sells them as canaries.
He'd throw a drowning man both ends of the rope.
He knifes you in the back, and then has you arrested for carrying a weapon.
He campaigned for a dry county, got it passed, and then moved away.
He never hits a man when he's down--he kicks him.
He never eats his heart out; he'd starve to death.
He'd borrow your pot just to cook your goose.
Only gravediggers would enjoy working for him..
Another version is:
Think of words ending in 'gry'.
Angry and hungry are two of them.
There are only three words in the English language.
What is the third word?
The word is something that everyone uses every day.
If you have listened carefully, I have already told you what it is.
In this case the real question is: "There are only three words in the English language. What is the third word?" That is, there are only three words in the phrase "the English language". The third word is "language", which is indeed something we use every day. The first two words are "the" and "English".
And a third version… Published in the US magazine Parade in March 1997 and claiming to be the original…
There are at least three words in the English language that end in g or y.
One of them is "hungry", and another one is "angry".
There is a third word, a short one, which you probably say every day.
If you are listening carefully to everything I say, you just heard me say it three times.
What is it?
This version of course relies on verbal trickery to confuse the quickly-said "g or y" with "gry". The answer is actually 'say'.
You see, in one form or another the riddle has apparently been known for many years.
Now that we have cleared this up, the question remains - "Are there any words in the English language, other than angry and hungry, that end in -gry?
YES! Research from the Oxford English Dictionary, Simon & Schuster's Webster's New World Dictionary, and the G.C. Merriam Company gives us this list:
aggry: A glass bead found buried in the ground in Africa. A word of unknown origin. Seemingly always used attributively, as in aggry beads.
braggry: A variant form of braggery.
conyngry: An obsolete dialectal variant of conyger, itself an obsolete term meaning 'rabbit warren'.
gry: The smallest unit in Locke's proposed decimal system of linear measurement, being the tenth of a line, the hundredth of an inch, and the thousandth of a ('philosophical') foot. Also the grunt of a pig, an insignificant trifle, or a verb meaning to roar.
iggry: Egyptian colloquial Arabic pronunciation of ijri: 'Hurry up!', brought back after the First World War by members of British and Australian forces who had fought in Egypt.
mawgry: from Old French: being regarded with displeasure.
meagry: Having a meager appearance.
nangry: A variant form of angry.
podagry: Dodder, or the condition of a plant infested with it.
puggry: A variant form of puggree, a light scarf wound around a hat or helmet to protect the head from the sun.
A certain man was infatuated with a young woman, but was so timid he never had the courage to speak to her. In fact, he even told his therapist that every time he got near her he felt like he was unimportant. He said that he felt as insignificant as a tiny pebble.
"Well," his therapist responded, "If you want to get the girl you'll just have to be a little boulder!"
No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet.
The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double- checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up over the crossbar, accidentally kicked her right in the chin.
During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self- defense.
After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, "What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a large, sharp knife?"
The student replied, "BIG ones."
Vinnie goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, but isn't fully convinced. The store assistant comes along and closes the deal.
On his way home, Vinnie puts on his new x-ray glasses and, bingo, he sees everyone in the street naked. He takes them off for a moment, and everyone has their clothes on. Puts the glasses back on...everyone is naked. "Cool!" he says.
As he arrives back home, he is eager to show his new toy to his wife but can't find her. He goes up to the bedroom and finds his wife and some guy, naked in bed. He takes his glasses off and the two are still naked. He puts them back on, and they are still naked. Vinnie gets disgusted and says, "Damn, I just paid fifty-bucks for these, and they're already broken!"
A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."
The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph. She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a much better lover than you."
Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases. She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.
She says, "I want the kids, too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, now he's up to 80 mph.
She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards, too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"
The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."
She asks, "Like what?"
The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "An airbag."
"Instructions For Life"
Do not undermine your worth, by comparing yourself to others.
BERLIN (Reuters) - A Berlin driving instructor who taught more than 1,000 motorists how to drive says he never got a driver's license because he was too nervous to retake the test after he failed the first time -- 43 years ago.
"I flunked it because I drove too fast at a roundabout and didn't come to a complete standstill at a stop sign," the instructor, identified by police as Wolf-Dieter R., told Berlin's B.Z. newspaper on Saturday. "I was too afraid to try again."
He was caught by police after a minor accident with a Polish truck recently. He told police he never had a license. He said it was his first accident after four decades driving cars, tractors, and even tanks as a former East German army soldier.
Some Bizarre August Holidays
August 5 is National Mustard Day
August 6 is Wiggle Your Toes Day
August 8 is Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch Night
August 12 is Middle Child's Day
August 13 is Blame Someone Else Day
August 17 is National Thriftshop Day
August 22 is Be An Angel Day
August 25 is Kiss-And-Make-Up Day
August 28 is World Sauntering Day
August 29 is More Herbs, Less Salt Day
We got lucky when we heard the old Piedmont Hotel in Atlanta was getting a face-lift and its beautiful maple doors became available for sale as salvage items. We bought several and had them installed in our 19th-century home.
Showing a friend around the house, I pointed out, "You know, these doors are from the Piedmont Hotel."
He raised an eyebrow. "Most people just take towels."
You're from the West Coast when...
--You make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy your own house.
--The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
--The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.
--You know how to eat an artichoke.
--You drive to your neighborhood block party.
You're from New York when...
--You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
--You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
--You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
--You think Central Park is "nature."
--You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You're from Colorado when...
--You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
--You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care.
--A pass does not involve a football or dating.
--The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.
--Your bridal registry is at REI.
As one of relatively few female airline pilots, I've often been mistaken for a flight attendant, ticket agent or even a snack-bar employee. Occasionally people will see me in uniform and ask if I'm a "real" pilot. Still others congratulate me for making it in a male-dominated field.
One day, I was in the restroom before a flight. I was at the sink, brushing my teeth, when a woman walked through the door and looked over at me. "My sister would be so proud of you!" she remarked. I figured her sister must be in the airline business, so I smiled and asked why.
Replied the woman, "She's a dentist."
Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!"
The wrestler nodded in agreement. Now, to the match: The American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold!
A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending.
Suddenly there was a horrible scream, and a resounding cheer from the crowd. The trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"
The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!"
Me Mudder!
When me prayers were poorly said
Who tucked me in me widdle bed
And spanked me till me arse was wed
Me Mudder
Who took me from me cozy cot
And put me on the ice cold pot
And made me pee if I could not
Me Mudder
And when the morning light would come
And in me crib me dribbled some
Who wiped me tiny widdle bum
Me Mudder
Who would me hair so neatly part
And hug me gently to her heart
Who sometimes squeezed me till me fart
Me Mudder
Who looked at me with eyebrows knit
And nearly have a king size fit
When in me Sunday pants me shit
Me Mudder
When at night her bed did squeak
Me raised me head to have a peek
Who yelled at me to go to sleep
Me Farver!
A guy gets married and for the first year he never leaves his wife alone. Every day, morning noon and night, he is at it.
His wife is a little pissed off about this so she goes to her mother and says "Mom, he won't leave me alone, every day, 4-5 times a day, he's like a rabbit."
Her mother tells her to go to the fish mongers and get a fish and put it up her pussy. That night the husband comes home and drags her upstairs, rips of her clothes and proceeds to make love to her. On entry he screams and pulls out. He is bleeding and covered in scratches, so for the next year he does not even look at his wife.
She, beginning to feel a little randy after this long lay off, again approaches her mother and asks for advice. Her mother tells her to wait until he is in bed and then show him what he is missing.
That night he is lying in bed and she strips and climbs onto the bed. She then steps over him, but just as her ass is passing his face, she farts.
The guy looks up and says "Bark you bastard, but you won't bite me again."
The newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor: "As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg. Address it and say, 'I'm a Sperm. She will answer, 'I'm the Egg. From that moment on you will work together to create the embryo. Do you understand?"
The sperm nodded affirmatively and the instructor said, "Then, good luck!"
Two days later, the sperm is taking a nap when he hears the siren. He wakes up immediately and runs to the tunnel. A multitude of sperm swim behind him. He knows he has to arrive first. When he nears the entrance to the cavern, he looks back and sees that he is far ahead of the other sperm. He is able to swim at a slower pace but does approach the red, sticky ball.
When, at last, he reaches the red, sticky ball, he smiles and says, "Hi, I'm a sperm."
The red sticky ball smiles and says, "Hi. I'm a tonsil."
A distraught dog owner called his vet pleading for an immediate appointment. He explained that his dog had a large growth or swelling near the corner of its mouth. The vet told him to bring the animal right over.
When the man came in, the vet examined the dog as the man stood by, anxiously waiting. At last the vet turned to him and asked, "Do you have any children?"
"Oh, good grief, is it contagious?" the man gasped.
"No," the doctor answered. "It's bubble gum."
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit...
Repairmen refused to work in the house...
The maid quit...
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back...
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth...But only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home... ...including the curtain rods.
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU????
Playing golf with his buddies, my grandfather had to make a slick 25-foot putt. As he lined it up, he announced, "I have a dollar bill that says I can make this putt. Does anyone want to bet?"
His three friends eagerly agreed to the wager. My grandfather missed the putt by ten feet, and his friends gathered around to collect their money. Granddad pulled out a dollar bill on which he had written, "I can make this putt."
His pals are still trying to collect on the bet and grandpa is too.
A young couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy's lustful desire rises to a peak.
He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to pee."
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK. Why don't you go behind this hedge."
She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg.
He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror, "Oh no, Mary! Did you have a sex change operation?"
"No," she replies. "I've changed my mind, I'm taking a dump instead."
Bubba is sitting with his wife, Maryjo, at a football game. Every few minutes, some guy comes over and fondles her. They squeeze her tits, reach up her dress, grind against her butt. And Bubba just sits there like nothing is happening.
Finally, a guy sitting next to him leans over and says, "Man, don't you see what the hell is happening?"
"Yeah, I do."
"Well, hell, man, why did you bring her to the game?"
"(Sigh) If I leave her at home, everybody goes to my house and screws her."
A young guy was laying on his back on a massage table, wearing only a towel over his groin.
A young, very attractive Swedish girl was massaging his shoulders, then his chest, and gradually worked her way down his torso. The guy was getting sexually excited as the masseur approached the towel. The towel began to lift and the Swedish girl arched her eyebrows.
"You wanna wank?" she asked.
"You bet," came the excited reply.
"O.K.," she said. "I come back in ten minutes."
A big corporation recently hired several cannibals. "You are all part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing.
"You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please do not eat any of the other employees."
The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals all shook their heads no.
After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the Secretary?"
A hand rose hesitantly to which the leader of the cannibals shouted, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating branch managers and no one noticed anything. But nooooooo, you had to go and eat someone important!"
Officer Patrick McGuire of the New York City Police Department answers a call on his radio and reports to the scene of a car accident in the Queens-Midtown Tunnel. Officer McGuire notes that a new Buick had its front end merged with the rear end of a Chrysler.
The driver of the Buick was Father Francis O'Boyle; the driver of the Chrysler was Sheikh Ahmad Abd Ar Rahman. After Officer McGuire verifies that Sheikh Ahmad has suffered no physical injuries in the accident, he walks back to survey the damages to each vehicle.
Then, Officer McGuire walks over to Father O'Boyle and asks him: "Tell me, Father, just how fast was that Sheikh going when he backed into you?"
Over the years, my husband and I have usually managed to decode the cute but confusing gender signs sometimes put on restaurants' restroom doors (Buoys and Gulls, Laddies and Lassies, etc.), but every so often we get stumped.
Recently my husband Dave wandered off in search of the men's room and found himself confronted by two marked doors. One was labeled "Bronco," and the other was designated "Cactus."
Completely baffled, he stopped a restaurant employee passing by. "Excuse me; I need to use the restroom," Dave said. Gesturing toward the doors, he asked, "Which one should I use?"
"Actually, we would prefer you to go there," the employee said, pointing to a door down the hall marked "Men." "Bronco and Cactus are private dining rooms."
In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how societies ideal of beauty changes with time. "For example, he said, "take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five ft., one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she'd do in today's version of the contest?"
The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, "Not very well."
"Why is that?" Asked the professor.
"For one thing," the student pointed out, "She'd be way too old."
The Best Toilet In The World
If you can't figure it out.. it's the special glass where you can see through one side and the other is mirrored... so you sit on the toilet looking at the world... but the world can't look at you.
A rooster is walking along one day when he comes to a riverbank with a big bag of cat food beside it. Uninterested in the bag, he looks over to the other side and sees a huge bag of chicken feed which instantly makes his mouth water. Beside the bag of feed is a small cat that is hungrily eyeing the cat food on his side.
The two look at each other and wonder what to do. The rooster says, "I know, if we run & jump high enough we should be able to make it to the other side."
The cat responds "OK, let's give it a try"
The rooster heads back about 15 feet, makes a run for it and jumps as high as he can. He flaps his wings like crazy and just makes it to the bag and starts devouring the chicken feed.
The cat, now more motivated than ever, heads back about 20 feet and makes a run for it. He jumps, and SPLASH! He lands right in the middle of the river.
The Moral of the Story:
For every satisfied cock, there's a wet pussy!
An elderly retired couple were driving down the East coast, when they stopped in Georgia for a fuel stop. The elderly woman was very hard of hearing, and usually asked her husband to repeat everything.
An elderly station attendant came to the car and started filling the fuel tank. Making idle talk, he asked if the man liked the weather, to which the man replied, "Very much."
"What'd he say?" asked the woman.
"He asked if I like the weather, and I told him 'yes'," replied her husband.
"Where are you-all headed," asked the attendant.
"Oh, we're going to Jacksonville," he replied.
"What'd he say?", asked the woman.
"He asked where we're going, and I told him to Jacksonville", the husband replied.
"Where are y'all from," inquired the attendant a few moments later.
"Oh, we're from Maine," the man replied.
"Ah, I was in Maine for two years while I was in the Air Force, replied the attendant. In fact, I dated a girl from Maine while I was there. It didn't last long though. I have to tell you, this girl was the worst in bed of any girl I ever knew."
"What'd he say?" inquired the woman.
"He said he thinks he knows you," replied her husband.
A research team proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified.
One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial structure; subsequently the second member of the team performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member.
It will be a while before Jack and Jill head up that hill for a pail of water again.
Father: (at the hospital looking through the glass at the newly arrived babies) "Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled! Isn't she adorable?"
Friend: "But your kid didn't smile."
Father: "I was talking about the nurse."
Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded Vermonter standing there.
"Name's Enoch. Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday. Thought you'd like to come."
"Great," says Sam, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem. After 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of 'em."
Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin', too."
"Tough crowd, eh?" Sam says. "Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too."
"Now that's not a problem!" says Sam. "Remember I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"
Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want. It's just gonna be the two of us."
A man went into a local pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman behind the counter informed him that she was the pharmacist.
She told the man that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no male pharmacists employed there. She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with, as she had been a licensed pharmacist for many years.
The man shrugged his shoulders and agreed to share his problem. "Okay," said the man, "but this is a bit embarrassing for me. I have a permanent erection, which causes me lots of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "The best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and $3,000 a month in living expenses."
Saul Epstein was taking an oral exam, applying for his citizenship papers. He was asked to spell "cultivate" and he spelled it correctly. He was then asked to use the word in a sentence, and with a big smile, responded:
"Last vinter on a very cold day, I vas vaiting for a bus, but it vas too cultivate, so I took the subvay home.
After trying a new shampoo for the first time. A guy fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer. Several weeks later he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items.
"Well, what do you think" his wife asked smiling.
"Next time," he replied. "I'm writing to General Motors!